Is it possible to be in love with someone for years, and never realize it until the circumstances are far beyond easy to deal with? As if it is almost too late for it all?

“I miss you most in the morning, when a day without you has just begun.
And all the simple things do nothing, but help the stars chase away the sun.
I know this is hardly what we asked for, but I’ll thankfully make it much more.
And even if the dawn goes slowly, another night sleeps; left my own.
And all the pillows - they do nothing. I guess a comfort is with you alone.
I know this is hardly what we asked for, but I’ll thankfully make it much more.
I know that I’m nothing. I’m trying to be something. If ever I am, then I…
I promise you’ll still be, and you always will be mine. You’ll be mine.”

So, five days ago, I had that “butterfly” feeling. I couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t focus. I had never been so excited in my life. The day finally came, the one I’ve been waiting for for what seems like a lifetime, and even after…I still can’t eat, still can’t sleep, still can’t focus. I have the sickest, most terrifying feeling in the pit of my stomach. All these emotions, feelings, thoughts, worries - they’re literally making me sick. I’m exhausted, delirious, tired, I’ve had a migraine for two days straight. I’m slowly starting to lose myself over this entire situation. I’ve never felt this way in my life.

I’ve given up a lot for this situation. “I know this is hardly what we asked for, but I’ll thankfully make it much more.” Neither person in this situation asked for what we got, but we’ve been fighting to make it so much more. I always feel like I fight so much more than everyone else. Its starting to drain me of all energy, enthusiam - everything.

I put my entire heart into things, if I want them badly enough, no matter what I get back from it. I care way too much for my own good. I am way too sensitive for my own good. I just straight up don’t take care of myself for my own good. I put the ones I love and care for before myself in any situation, I don’t care what the outcome could be, I’d rather me get hurt, than them. It gets even worse when I’m in love. I will do anything and everything to make that person happy. I will give everything that is me to that person, until I have absolutely nothing left to give…and rarely do I get any of it back.

I’m not a selfish person…at all, but fuck, I’m so sick and tired (literally, now) of never getting the same thing in return. I can proudly and truthfully say that I’m one of the most genuine people you’ll ever meet, but I’ve never had anyone be that person to me. I thought I finally found that person, then something like all this happens, and I lose all that is my sanity. I kill myself over it, thinking it was me who did something wrong, which, in turn, makes me think less of myself. Makes me feel like I’m not doing enough, so I give and give and give. I constantly keep digging, as far as I possibly can, trying to find more to give. I keep finding things, but I’m mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausted - but I’ll never quit giving to this person…and I don’t even think he has any idea.

I don’t break promises, and I made a promise to never quit on him. I promised him that I was ready to fight for everything that is us, no matter what time and distance gets put between us.