My real estate, my life is dull and dried up like the sound a voice makes when the heart grows cold…and its going that way. I think I’ll move out of state, somewhere far from Seattle’s city lights, they burn my eyes. California sounds nice, but California is a lie. Maybe I’m out of luck, or maybe I’m just blind. Rain on my hopes, rain on my soul, rain on everything that I know. It feels so ludacris, the pursuit of this dream.

We thought we’d be there long ago.

Do we just exist? And does love persist? The questions of purpose and love and of destiny. Our conquest for bliss is as much hit or miss as it is skimming the fat off of our beliefs. If grace knows my name, then I am to blame for constantly spreading my fear and my shame.

I left you a note on the table, I hope it finds you well. I hope you don’t hurt like you did, cause I’d just blame myself. And I know its for me, that I’m out on these streets, bleeding nightly for these people I meet. But its you who I long for when I cannot sleep. I am almost nowhere and I’m getting there fast. You’re the hope in my cold stare. When I picked up, you broke into tears. I still don’t know why you need me and my broken down love. With each second that ticks, your voice rings in my ear and the memories flood back from all of our years. And I tell you its ok, there’s nothing to fear and I secretly hope I am right. You left me last week and you told me, “Go on and follow your dreams.” I think about that, lately, still don’t know what it means. Because you’re what I dream of when I wake alone, as I drift away as we talk on the phone.

You’re what I want and that’s all that I know.

I don’t know much, but I know about love and how it hurts me to give up. Why do we always say we’re fine, when its obvious we’re lying? Why don’t we ever tell the truth, what do we have to lose?

I’ve got a bad taste in me. Its like I’ve been robbed of something I once was in my childhood memories. Its buried in sandboxes, backyard, where we used to see that dreams could come true if believed. The sidewalks scream our names, but now we are so far from home. I’ve got a bad pain in my heart. Its like the first time that I looked in your eyes. The first time it all fell apart. All I have is words, to which I’m a slave. I scribble them down, hoping they’ll save me, but I’m lost, I’m so lost. These pages will burn and I’ll pass away. Yesterday’s gone and I just can’t shake the fact that I’m lost. I’m so lost.

We are so far from home.