Did I ever tell the story of Matthew and I’s first few days? Well, then.
I had just gotten a job at Albertsons (you all know how that went, haha) and I needed to get black jeans as part of my uniform. I headed to the mall and looked everywhere for some “nice” ones, when I finally gave up and went to Hot Topic to get some that weren’t exactly “corporate” ok, but who cares. So, I walk in and stop instantly, turn to Ali, and whisper “Good God…” She knew exactly what I was talking about and agreed. The most gorgeous person I had ever seen, Matthew, greeted us with a HUGE smile, which totally reeled me in. His smile was, hands down, one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. It made me melt.
So anyways, I took my sweet time finding jeans, just so I could be around him longer. I finally decided on a pair and told him that I’d be back shortly to get them and he replied with a “You’re leaving!?” and his smile faded. I promised him I’d be back and sure enough, about twenty minutes later, I went back. He got such a goofy smile on when I came back in, it was adorable. So, I grabbed my jeans and took them to the counter. I asked the other guy if they were hiring (not just because Matthew worked there, although that did help, haha) and he said yes, so I asked for an application. He had Matthew look for the application and I didn’t know this until a couple weeks ago, but Matthew acted like he couldn’t find the applications, just so he could talk to me longer. He finally printed one off and it took me about twenty minutes to fill it out, just because we were talking the whole time. One of our first conversations was about how we thought it was stupid that people could say “I love you” after being together for two weeks. This is a vital thing to remember in this story.
So, anyways, out of nowhere he was like, “So…I think I’m gonna go see the Hulk tonight…” I replied with, “Really! I freakin love the Hulk!” He said I could come along, if I wanted to. I really wanted to see the movie and it was the opening night so, of course, I wanted to go. So, I wrote down my number and slid it across the counter to him and told him to call me and let me know the details. SCORE! The funny thing, was that he wasn’t even planning on going to see the movie, haha. He just whipped it out of his head to say something. We ended up going to see it and he casually slipped his hand in mine halfway through. You know that feeling you get, when you get really nautious in the best way possible? Haha, that’s what I felt like. It was an instant connection, one I had never felt before.
That was date one.
Date two was short and sweet. The next day, he picked me up from work and we went to the park. It was dark out and we were swinging, talking, laughing. We got bored of the swings and went to the main playground and went on the slides. He was standing on the little stairs, and I was at the top, so we were level with each other. He held both of my hands and kissed me. One of the most gentle kisses I’ve ever felt. I had known the guy for two days and was already falling in love with him. A few minutes later, we see a cop pull up. Apparently, its against the law to be at a park after 10pm, haha. We had a pretty fun conversation with the guy, though. It was alright.
I spent time with him almost everyday for the next couple weeks and by week three, we hypocritically went against our very first conversation and he told me he loved me and honestly, I said it back. Which is suuuuper weird for me, cause 1) I can’t be around ANYONE as much as I was around him and 2) I don’t get close to people that easily at all, let alone this close. Three months later and we’re still together and I’ve never been this happy in my life. That’s a lot to say after only three months, but it feels like a lifetime and I’m not a stupid person. If there’s anyone in the world who takes too long to process ANYTHING and EVERYTHING – its me. Trust me, I’ve questioned myself, thought long and hard about it and I honestly am happier than I have ever been.
I had a final thinking process about it the other day, which was actually the end of a two day thing, which is actually the inspiration for this entire blog. The first day was last Wednesday. I woke up and got ready for work, like always, and left with my stepdad (we work together). When we got to the center, he didn’t have anything for me to do (he’s also my boss). So, I just told him to drop me off at Matthew’s apartment, since I was going to be spending time with him later on, anyways. So, he did. I was there for about an hour, then got kind of bored, so I went on a walk downtown. For the first time in a long time, I decided to buy something for myself. I ended up buying a few things at Urban Outfitters and then started walking back to the apartment. During that walk, I noticed that I had a sweater on and I wasn’t hot at all, which is freaking fantastic because sweaters are my favourite. The weather was perfect and when the weather is perfect, it puts me in a really good mood, especially if I’m outside. So, I got to thinking as I was walking down the street; the weather was perfect, everyone was outside, everyone was smiling, I had just bought some stuff, I had my chai tea, I was walking back to the apartment, which means I was going to the one place that feels like home to me, to see my most favourite person in the entire world. It seriously felt like nothing could possibly ruin my day and that is one of the greatest feelings you’ll ever feel. What topped it all off? Being there for Matthew to come home to. Its my favourite thing ever. I was taking a nap on the bed and he woke me up by kissing me and telling me he loves me. That’s the best thing in the world to wake up to. It was a perfect day and it really got me thinking about how good life really is.
Day two, the next day, was what really got me thinking. I went to work and my sister and I decided to take the bus. It was my first time riding the city bus, cause I could never figure out how to read the schedule, but I FINALLY figured it out, so we went. We took one bus downtown, where I got the greatest chai I’ve ever had in my life. It was cold out, I was in a sweater, so I got hot chai with whipped cream on top, from Dawson’s. Dawson’s makes the best chai I’ve ever had, but today was especially good. My first hot chai of the season, ahh. We got back on the bus and headed down State Street, where the bus makes a few more stops until we reached our destination. Each and every stop we made, you’d see the regulars get on and smile at everyone. The bus driver says, “Hello, Fred. How are you today?” And Fred smile’s and replies. All the regulars are so friendly and it made me think what a good place the world can be sometimes. Being in that atmosphere made me feel so good about myself and put me in generally fantastic mood.
After we took the bus back downtown, the bus to take us back to the center wasn’t scheduled to arrive for another half an hour, so we got some newspaper and sat on a bench around the corner. It was the perfect morning, no doubt. It was here that really really got me thinking. I started thinking about the bad things in life and how the good things easily cancel them out. I thought about how someone smiling at you instantly puts you in a better mood, even if its only a little better. I thought about how perfect weather and a hot chai can make you forget about the small things in life that upset you. I thought about my past a lot and the things I’ve been through, and it all came back down to Matthew.
Being in the happy atmosphere generally would have made me think about the bad things in my life and how I wanted things to be more like Fred’s life. Happy and smiley. Ever since Matthew came along, I learned how to be happy with everything. Happy with myself, my job, my friends, my family. I learned how much the little things in life really matter. I learned about true love, especially. Not just between two people in a relationship, but between you and the world itself. Before, I wanted to have this life, now I do have it. I don’t make wishes anymore, because wishes, when they don’t come true, only make you doubt. Its better to stop wishing and to start making things happen, he taught me that, too. No one can make wishes come true, the only time they do is when you get lucky and the universe coincidentally makes things happen the way you wished they would. That doesn’t always happen, I’ve learned that first hand.
I was in a pretty dark place before Matthew came along. I didn’t have a whole lot of hope for things and I kind of just took things as they came. There’s been multiple times when I’ve had days like the ones mentioned above, but I ignored everything around me and kept going on my way. I never sat to think about what was really going on around me. When you’re in the dark, you see the dark. It doesn’t matter how much positivity is around you, you’ll still see the dark side of it all. I discovered that when you’re finally content with things and when you finally realize how good life really is, you start seeing the lighter side of things. I’ve seen both ends and I’d much rather be in the light, which is where I finally am. I wouldn’t trade it for the world. My eyes are finally open. I’ve been waiting for this to happen for as long as I can remember and in an instant, one person brought me to it.
So, we can’t be together as much as we’d like and we don’t talk as much as we’d like. It causes a lot of issues in our relationship, a lot. A lot to the point where he’s actually begun to doubt our relationship and we still have four months to go before we can be where we want to be. After an hour and a half long conversation with him this morning, I realized that if things don’t change, I’ll lose him, which is the very last thing in the world that I want. Being in the light of things gives me a lot of hope that we can change things. There’s a lot we can’t do, but that doesn’t mean that there aren’t still things we can do. We both discovered today that there’s nothing either of us won’t do to make things work and that’s a great feeling.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that life is good and that everything is going to be ok, no matter how bad it might get. Aside from true love, this is the greatest feeling I’ve ever felt and both of these feelings just happen to be the cause of one life entering another. One life I don’t ever plan on losing.
